Got somethin' on your mind, do ya?

There a song you wanna sing? Or maybe you're itchin' for a show of your own? Be great, wouldn't it? Not a problem. Just get a hold of...of...him. You know...that guy.

What's his name again?

Actually, you wouldn't really need it if you could just remember his phone number...or even if you had his email address...yeah, that'd be sweet.

Drawing a blank, huh?

C'mon - he must say his name at least a thousand times during his show - think by now you'd remember it, don'tchya? And his phone number's plastered on every page of his book. Hell, it's even on his slips - you could've just taken one of those, right?

Isn't that just SO Irritating?

I mean, you're literally surrounded by it at every show, but right now you probably have a better chance of guessing the next six winning lottery numbers than remembering his name...a chance hovering somewhere just above zero. But oh, if you COULD remember it, just think of the shows you could book with as little as his name - boggles the mind, I tell ya.

Doesn't it begin with an "S"?

Sam, maybe? Or is it Seth? Has to be a real man's name - all that talk about body hair and incessant grunting - it can't be Stacy or Sheldon or anything like that. Wasn't he named after someone famous, like Sinbad? Or Stephanopoulos?

Wait, isn't Stephanopoulos a last name?

Aw man, THAT'D suck. Could you imagine a kid growing up with a name like Stephanopoulos? They'd probably start calling him Steffie, which everyone knows is a GIRL's name, and he'd probably get beat up on pretty much a daily basis.

But really, what else could you call him?

Steph? Nope, still too girly. Poulos? Too greek. Fanny? I'm not even goin' there. Wait, I got it - St...Stee...nope, nothin'. Oh well, looks like the Stephanopouloses of the world are just plain screwed.

Now, why are you here again?